Lorenzo

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SON......

Time fly's by!!!

I have just been in a mood for weeks now and I can't seem to pull myself out of it, it feels as I am being weight down like something has a hold of me and I am not strong enough to pull through. These mixed emotions are killing me I guess I'm just venting to myself. As a mother sometimes I feel as though I fail the same goes for being a wife or friend. I lose me in all these things I strive to be the best at but is that really me? I ask that question all the time where is Stacy because I can't find her I have always been one to say people show face (which means they act) and I have always thought I was not one to do that. Like I was so strong and open I didn't need to show face and I would say most of the time that is true. But when it comes to family it is different why is that? Is it because they know us better or is it because we love them to much to do that? Either way I have all these feelings going around and around and I can't seem to let it go. I know no one can be perfect but man wouldn't that just be easy or would it? See what I mean Questions that's all I have no answer's Do I give alittle here and there and would that be enough? or would I fall short I feel I always fall short and I know who is doing this to me but I wonder if I am strong enough to get rid of him.... I know I should pray more and do all the right things but sometimes when you feel you have failed it's not that easy! I look at my boys and every night when we say thankful's I am so thankful for just them and I walk out and ask myself what could you have done better. I know everyone has there own moments where some of these questions they have asked themselves and I'm not looking for answer's I just need to vent before I blow!

I have a wonderful husband great kids i have alot of things people would love to have but something is missing and i don't know what it is. I feel if I stand up and say what I really feel people wont like it and i feel by doing that i have lied to myself! when do you know what bridge to cross or which one you burn??

oh well just thoughts and don't worry i will be fine just needed to write it...

Okay so Im a little cry baby! so what

Okay so this month as everyone that knows me knows Lorenzo turns 12 on the 29Th and I just can't get over it. I look at him and think wow where did the time go and how thankful for the Church, He meets with the bishop I think this week or next and he is so happy And last week at Church there was a talk about being Mother's and I did start to cry because my baby isn't a baby anymore! He even said last night that if he had is own money he would buy his own suit, We told him he gets a suit for his birthday and he is over the moon. So yesterday I took them out because it was so nice outside and took some pics. And just looking at them brings me to tears I don't know what I would do or even be without my boys they are my world and I know someday they will all leave me and marry and Me and Jon will be alone and that's okay but you always hear when your daughter gets married you gain a son-in law but when your son marry's you lose them I hope that is not true! I know I am looking way outside the box he is only 12 but I just can't believe it's happening and then to be the 1st grandson in The Newman family and My family to go though this is WONDERFUL!! The 1st son to do this in our little family and I am so proud of all my boys and the path that they are on. They teach me so much. And come April Jadon turns three and in Oct. Jonathan enters the water as he will be 8yrs. All our kids have made that choice and Jadon will be the last I couldn't be happier. I have a wonderful husband that just got a new calling and I am proud of his will to serve and be the rock in our family. So yes I am being a little bit of a cry baby this month.hope you like the pics Jadon was in a mood.

Starting Over

Okay so I will post this first since I left my Camera from Christmas in Albuq and I am still waiting for it to come back to me I feel lost without it. But the point is I have X-Mas pics on there so that will have to wait. So I have started to work out again and eat right being me I dont like all the GOOD food so I am so Hungry I can't stand it I want to just YELL FEED ME PLEASE!!! Jon has been getting the worst of it let's just say I'm not very nice when I want food that I can't eat. And you might ask well is she eatting yes I am but not what I want, I watch everyone else eat it and it makes me mad~ I'm like a crazy Women but I need to get this weight off and for good on Monday and today I went 5 miles on the bike and did 100 sit ups and 50 last night but I watch the biggest loser and they are like 30-25 lBS less in just ONE week how does that happen I want to know so I can do that! I am hoping that in 2 months I will have lost 10-15 lbs cause I'm going to vegas for a girls weekend! So pray for me that I can do this I was doing so good but then with the end of the year and all the food I just couldn't stand it anymore......Okay Im done