Thinking......Not Good

Okay so as many of you know My Father passed away about 2 years now it was right after Jadon was born when I was in the hospital my Uncle had passed away and I couldn't go be with Family because I was on bed rest with Jadon for a week in the Hospital. So that was really hard on my family and then to have such a small baby 2 lbs and 12 oz and fighting for my own health the timing was not good ~ But on Christmas the year before my Mother in law got me a scrap book and I didn't know what to do with it mind you I have never been into that before. So I started putting picture's of my boys and thought what a great gift for my father, which lived in Florida since he never really saw them. Mind you we really didn't know each other either in till I was grown and married did we become close. Anyway after Jadon was out of the Hospital I was able to finish this Book and I gave it to my mom to mail off~ well my dad got it about 2 days later and he had some friends over for a swim party and he showed it off to everyone and said how proud he was of his grandson's~ and of the man I married and that night as he layed watching t.v. he passed away. Never getting to meet Jadon and only seeing my other two boys once and twice. When we went to Florida this last week all my feelings seem to come forth to be in the house my dad died in is Very hard and to know my son's will grow up not knowing him kills me. There are so many times that I wonder why all that happened to me at once My uncle then Jadon being so small and fighting a battle that I couldn't help him through and then not even two months later losing my father It's so hard not to wonder why. But I have to say I feel my Dad has given me more answers now then ever before I feel in my heart that my Step Mom deserves to move on and feel so sad for her to be alone but I don't know how I would feel to see another man in his place. I was so happy that Jon got to go with me because all those raw emotions come forth when I'm there if only he would have said that he wasn't feeling well and to come see him but there was no warning no goodbye's no I love you's, So I hope that no matter what you let your love one's know just what they mean to you and not to let that time pass you my....I guess with Father's day behind us I still feel so sad that I wasn't able to spend it with him. Just as long as it took me to make That book it took me this long to make a DVD of him and I shared it with his Wife but it took two years for me to finish because I couldn't get through it... I guess what I am saying is make every day count!!!!! And be so very Thankful for the Family you have let them know each and everyday.. I love you dad